Unique Challenges in Seeking Help:
- Poor discernment (caused by trauma) may make survivors more prone to becoming victims of exploitative healthcare providers.
- Lack of trust may delay seeking help.
- Lack of self-trust may postpone seeking help, as counseling may seem useless to those who feel “unrepairable.”
- Deeply entrenched coping mechanisms may leave them unaware that they are “running on empty.”
- Fear of seeking help, due to being hurt and betrayed repeatedly by others.
- Poorly informed providers who lack the tools, understanding, or desire to comprehend what has happened to them and how it affects who they are today.
People suffering from trauma are vulnerable. Depending on what they had to do to survive as children or teenagers, they may exhibit different coping styles. Some may be “fawn types”—overly agreeable people who end up in dangerous situations by ignoring red flags. Others may become distrustful, pushing people away, believing betrayal is inevitable. In some cases, as a form of self-sabotage, they may leave first to avoid abandonment.
To complicate matters, trauma-informed approaches to therapy are relatively new. Popular methods like cognitive behavioral therapy focus on understanding flawed thinking in the present but often don’t address the deeper trauma of growing up without affection or the real experience of neglect.
Many trauma survivors hold deeply ingrained beliefs about themselves and the world around them, which have been reinforced repeatedly over time. We also live in predatory societies. Sometimes, abusers aren’t only found in the home. Children with antisocial tendencies can sense, like sharks smelling blood in the water, the kids who won’t fight back—the ones already so beaten down at home that they lack the courage, confidence, or belief that they deserve to stand up for themselves.
Later in life, if these individuals don’t avoid relationships altogether, they often find themselves in partnerships that mirror their early caregiving experiences. They may be drawn to partners who make them “work for love,” partners who are hot and cold, cheat, or abuse them emotionally and physically—or both. Some may not even recognize that what’s happening to them is just another form of abuse. Others know but feel trapped. They struggle to find someone compassionate who listens and offers solutions. They feel like they have no choice, believing the next partner will be equally abusive.
Not everyone has the same experience. Some experience more trauma, some less. Some are more resilient, while others develop flawed coping mechanisms. As a trauma-informed coach, my job is not only to provide education and tools to help reprogram harmful beliefs about themselves and the world but also to offer the emotional support they didn’t receive earlier in life.
I aim to provide a therapeutic relationship that is entirely focused on the needs of my clients and is unconditional. In adult relationships, the only truly unconditional relationship is the one you have with a therapist or coach. As children, the foundation for self-love is the unconditional support we receive from our parents before the age of two—support that many of us never had.
My job is to create a safe space for those who feel unheard, for those who need room to cry, scream, or speak—silently or loudly—in any way they need to express themselves. Maybe even crack a joke.
I give people the space to simply be, and I validate their experiences. Through validation and mirroring—something that healthy parents do for their children—I enable my clients to feel seen and heard. Over time, they become more comfortable being themselves, expressing who they are, because they now have a witness.
By doing this, they naturally develop their own sense of discernment. They become more attuned to good and bad behavior and make better choices because they now understand they deserve to be treated well.
Tools and techniques are incredibly important, but without a safe connection between the coach or therapist and the client, those tools are useless.
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